Linoleum Sucks

Linoleum
Originally uploaded by bignorm_99.

I would not suggest the installation of linoleum to anyone, not even someone I hated. It is just a horrible thing wrapped in bullshit and rotten meat!

Mullet of the Week

Nice Mullet
Originally uploaded by bignorm_99.

Sort of like the shocker of the week, when I find them, I will post them. I had to snap a picture of this sweet mullet from the last dart tournament I shot in. If only I could be so cool, I think I will grow a mullet for my wedding.

Staind

Staind
Originally uploaded by bignorm_99.

The feature act. The concert was great!

Theory of a Deadman

Theory of a Deadman
Originally uploaded by bignorm_99.

Theory opened for Staind at the concert that we saw a couple of weeks ago.

Mustafart

Thinking back on great stories to tell for my weekly piece on the art of dropping ass, I remembered one of the greats. A bunch of the boys took the day off to go and see Star Wars Revenge of the Sith, well we happened to go out drinking the night before. Well the movie was playing and I knew something was brewing. As Obi Wan stepped off the ship onto Mustafar with Anakin I knew there was a spetacular fight brewing on the screen with a possibility for death and dismemberment, and the last part was in the theater. Just as the lava was boiling and exploding on the screen, the phosperous bomb that was trapped in my colon was also erupting. It was only a second or so before the waft started to hit my boys one by one down the line. I knew I did good, and the timing could not have been better. There were some people om front of us, but as we left the theater, they did not move, I am not sure if they called paramedics for them or if it was too late. We went to the bar to discuss the film after it let out and I heard about the drop right away, also the perfect timing to go along with the movie. Man, you just can't plan that kind of stuff!

Weekly Dart Update

The winning trend resumed on Tuesday night. We won 8 - 5 against the other team from our bar. We possibly should have done better, but I am not complaining. When I checked the stats we are ten games up on the next team. There is one team that has a week to make up, and they would have to win all 13 games, and then they will still be two games behind us. I am feeling pretty good about having a playoff for the championship. Hey we haven't lost one of those yet in the last three years.

Ice Box of a State

Well, last weekends icebox weather is gone, at least for a few days. We hit -18 degrees F for a low where I live and the days high did not get much higher. Hook that up with strong winds and you get a 30 - 40 below wind chill. Now as much as I would have liked to stay inside, I got the pleasure of making a dump run on Saturday. Friday which was the coldest also was the concert and the stupid little kids that did not wear a coat while standing in line. Like I always say, I am just waiting for Spring and Summer to hit cause the Warrior is lonely I think and needs me to spend some quality time with her.

Concert Report

Well, to my great joy, the concert was great. Even though the show was held in Sioux City, it was well worth the trip. The first opening band was called "Loser" and I thought that they were ok. The squeeze said that she really liked them. They had a couple of songs that got me going, but for the most part they were too pussy. The guitar player for the band must have been their namesake though, because from what I could tell he was certainly a loser. For some reason he decided that spitting up in the air and trying to catch it while onstage playing was a good idea. Perhaps theatrical license gone astray? Well, they finished and "theory of a Deadman" took the stage. I have enjoyed their music for some time now on the radio and the internet and they did not fail to entertain. They put on a very good show. Even the woman started to get into the rock and roll. She had never been to a rock show before and to this point had only attended shit shows, also known as country. Well, they played their set and the crownd really enjoyed it. As they were tearing down to setup for Staind, we saw the boys in blue spring into action two times. One they escorted a blonde chic still holding her beer to the back of the auditorium, she did not return, although I am not sure what prompted this action? The next happened jsut after they walked back in sans blonde. Some dude that had been drinking heavily with his shirt in his hand was directed by security to where Danny Donut and Officer Sparetire were standing. Before you know it they were talking to him and his hands were behind his back and the choke hold was placed on him, he might have raised a fist in aggression, I am not sure. As they walked him back to the doors, we heard him say, "What did I do?" in a slurred voice. Well the festivities over and Staind took the stage. They were great. They played all the songs that I wanted to hear and they saved probably my favorite of their songs for last. I took some pictures from the show and when I have a chance to download them, I will post them on Flickr and Blog one or two here as well. Aaron Lewis from Staind told the crowd on their last song that he didn't like the encore bullshit and not to be pissed if they did not come back. Well the crowd took his word for it and left when they went off stage. The crowd was a very diverse crowd to say the least. There were mostly teenagers but there were some older people there as well, older then me at least. And there were also a couple of couples that had young children there, the ones in front of us in peticular didn't even have ear protection for their daughter who was probably 5 or 6. Oh well, not my kids. The venue was the Orpheum Theater and I really enjoyed that as well. The accoustics were great and there didn't appear to be a seat that would ever have an obstructed view.

Fart-O-Rama

Well, I realized that I forgot my weekly Thursday feature this morning and decided that I had better correct the issue. One thing that I have learned is that if you can keep a straight face and not blush or laugh, you can always blame someone else for dropping ass. I remember having an extremely loud and obnoxious release outside our office one day when we were leaving work for the evening. Hoby was there walking next to me and when the people that were left ouside our door looked out, he was all red and embarrassed and I had the straight face and started pointing at him and making the fuss that would normally be associated with someone dropping ass while walking next to you. I still think to this day that if you asked them that they would say that he cut the cheese.

One of My Favorite Bands

Well, tonight I get to go to see one of my favorite bands in concert. I will be travelling to Sewer City to see Staind with Theory of a Deadman opening up for them. As I have not made it to a concert in some time it should be good. It seems like for the last couple of concerts that I wanted to go to something came up and I was unable to go. And the fact that not many bands that I give a hairy rats ass about bother to come to the beautiful state of South Dakota. I just need to take the trip to Minneapolis or Des Moines because they get alot of the bands I like putting on shows there. Well anyway, the show tonight should be good, I hope. I do remember when I went to see Megadeth a few years back, they suck live. Dave Mustaine just didn't appear to give a shit about being there or performing the music with any feeling. That show experience was saved for me by the two opening acts. Monster Magnet and Sevendust. As it was the first I had ever heard of them I became a fan. I have seen Sevendust three more times in concert. Well as it will be a chance to get out with the old lady and away from sitting at home I still think that we will have a good time.

Eye Candy Ranks the Highest For My Viewers

Heather
Originally uploaded by bignorm_99.

I happened to be looking through my pictures on Flickr for a picture of my Yamaha to use as my desktop picture on my computer at work and I happened to look at the number of views on my pictures. It appears that most of my viewers appear to enjoy the pictures of women over motorcycles and anything else. The picture here is my highest viewed picture on Flickr with I think 800+ views. The next two highest have over 400 and are also women.(strippers) I need to get out and take some more pictures as I have not uploaded anything to Flickr for along time.

Darts: Update of the week

Well, even though it was Valentine's day yesterday our dart season continued. We had a minor set back as one of my players left me a voice mail that he was unable to shoot and I needed to find someone else. Well, we started checking with our usual subs and of course they all had plans for the evening. Well, after calling everyone that I could think of, we finally worked out a deal with one of the players from the other team from our bar. Two of our players shot well, our other regular player did not however. Our sub however did shoot very well for us. We ended up winning 6 games out of 13. I have to see the updated stats but I am hoping that it didn't hurt us too bad.

Happy Valentine's Day

Well today is February 14th also know as Valentine's Day. A day that most women love and most men cringe over. The day is just another commercial holiday it seems as I have been bombarded by advertisements for candy and flowers and the like for the last two months. They say that the amount of cards sent is second only to Christmas. They must not be counting all the Valentine's that grade school children hand out to each other. Do they even still do that in schools these days or is there some political correct reason for not exchanging the cards. Little Timmie only got 24 cards out of a class of 25 so we will no longer participate in this unfair holiday. I remember making a cool robot card mailbox when I was about 8 or 9 and winning the most creative award for our class. Those were the good days.

Lies! I Tell You

When you walk into a restaurant and are greeted with a sign that reasures you that they have the "Best Breakfast In Town" you tend to figure you are really in for a special treat. Well, we went to Taco John's this weekend for breakfast and as far as I am concerned they are lying bastards. The breakfast was mediocre, OK at best. I want to know who gave them the balls to say that they had the best breakfast in town. I could see them staking that claim if they were the only place that you could obtain breakfast in town. That would mean that a bowl of cereal in your kitchen would be off limits. I think I would have enjoyed a nice bowl of Cheerios over the crappy burrito that I was served. Now I am sorry to anyone that enjoys Taco John's, but I am not a fan of the Tacos and Burritos either, give the the flavor of Taco Bell for fast food Mexican food anyday. About the only thing that I don't mind once in a while are the potatos oles, and once they dropped Coke products for Pepsi , they pretty much became worthless to me. Further lies were propagarted by the Pizza Hut chain, "Bring Home the Good Stuff" is their motto. I have never been a fan of their pizza and I remember why. We stopped there two weekends ago and tried their new "Shitty Cheesy pull off balls" pizza. The old lady says that she really liked it, I however have different tastes in what I think pizza should be, and did not. Her folks decided to take us there this weekend as well so I have now had enough of the Hut to last me for another ten years. The not so enjoyable restaurant experience was cutlitaved by the waitress coming out 45 minutes after we ordered and telling us that our ticket went from the make table to the cut table with them leaving out the important step of actually making the pizza. With this little tibit of joyous information they also said that due to the mixup they would take 50% off our order, another lie because when the check came, they had neglected to do that as well.

Winter is Back

Well, up in my neck of the woods at least, winter has reared it's ugly head again. It has been snowing and blowing for the last two days and has gotten cold. They were predicting high thirties, close to forty for the last couple of days, of course the meteorologists were wrong. All I can do is think that there is probably only two months left of this bullshit and we will start to have sunny worm days again.

Amen

Amen
Originally uploaded by bignorm_99.

Kill them all and let God sort it out!

A Blog of Note

I do not even remember how I found this blog, but the author has views that I agree with. It doesn't help either that she is very attractive ;) Anyway, if you are conservative and want to read some political discussions then this would be a good place to hang out.

Fart of the Week

Well, as I promised I am going to try and give my readers stories of the ass every week. Well at least the ass gas. A few years ago one of the town here had a tornado pretty much level it. Well, they were holding a benefit for the town at one of my buddies farms and some of us decided that we would go out for it. I am not sure why but we all went out the night before and consumed some adult beverages. I know the next morning as we all got into the truck, I was still feeling the effects from the night before. We hit the road for the hour drive and everything went smooth. We arrived at our destination town and a couple of us needed to stop and get cash so we made our way to the ATM. A couple of blocks before we pulled into the lot one of the guys dropped a little present, the pickup windows were lowered just in case. The smell was barely noticable. The windows were still down and I decided to let one rip too, hey the windows were still down! Well I let her drop and it was like hot stinky august garbage submerged in a rotten stagnant pond mixed together with a touch of dead cow and hog confinement. Well, needless to say, As we pulled into the parking lot, 4 grown men bailed out of the pickup with the doors wide open.I am sure that anyone driving by wondered why we all jumped out, it kind of reminded me of the scene from Tommy Boy where the tell the police that there are "Bees!!!" Every once in a while that type of power is acheived, I was glad that it was not wasted that day one just myself or the cat.

Dart Night Update

Well, we went and played our make-up match last night. We could have taken the forfeit, but in our league you only get 7-6 for wins and I don't think that is very fair, especially when the team really sucks. Well, they showed up last night and by the end of the night they were none too pleased. I heard the comments, good thing we showed up to play and thanks for stomping a hole in us. It felt good to hear those things as we were all very pissed that they left, even after we had a player coming to shoot for them. So we took it out on them last night, we went 12 - 1, I was a little pissed that two of my players didn't win their game, but I guess we will accept it. So with the last few weeks we have pulled fairly well ahead for the second half and with only like 5 or 6 weeks to go if we can keep winning every week, we should be able to go to a playoff and I don't think any team in our league will beat us in a head to head match.

Motorola E815

I recently had to replace my Motorola V710 after it's untimely demise in my accident. I decided on the Motorola E815 as I really enjoyed the 710 as a phone, the camera was very much lacking b ut everything else worked great. The 815 has been a good phone and the camera runs circles around the previous showing I had from Motorola. I have found a serious problem with the current phone though, one that greatly irritates me some mornings. I have been using my cell phone for the last coupe of years as an alarm clock for getting up in the morning for work, well the alarm function of the E815 will sometimes not go off, it will be set, but it will not ring. The old lady keeps telling me that I am turning it off in my sleep because I do not want to get up. I show her that the alarm is still set. I did some checking on Howard Forums and it appears that there are a few customers with this phone and the V3 RAZR that are also experiencing this issue, and come to find out that the 710 would do it also if you missed a text message. I have not missed a text message that would have caused this on the 815 and have not found the catalyst that is causing this problem with this peticular phone. I called the Verizon Reseller and they told me that they had never heard of anything of the sort. I then called Verizon customer service and they had a different story. The customer service rep had me check the version on the phone and told me that this was not the latest flash and I needed to try and have the corperate store update my programming. They said if that doesn't work then they would replace the phone. I really do not want to do that as I will have to get numbers reprogrammed into it. I am hoping that the new flash will also not erase everything from the phone. If it does and they do not back up my phone book to reload after, I will go ape shit on Verizon.

Superbowl

Well, Last night was Superbowl Sunday. I basically missed it. This marks the first time for as long as I can remember that I did not watch the game. I was working on the old house the last couple of days and then yesterday we stopped at the furniture store to look at a new living room set, well, looking turned to buying and looking and ultimately buying some other stuff as well. They offered no payments or interest for 6 months so we couldn't really resist. Well, the quick trip to the furniture store ended up being a 3 hour ordeal. So we went out for supper and then started the drive home, I guess I listened to about half of the game ont he radio on the drive. I was pulling for Seattle as I am basically a fan of the NFC except for the Patriots. While I was at the furniture warehouse, I did find a totally awesome chair that I really want, hopefully the old lady will get it for me for my birthday or Christmas or something. It was a reclining massage chair. The thing was like 8 Swedish blonde girls kneeding and massaging my whole body. I was lost in the pure pleasure that was this chair. There were so many buttons on the remote control I don't think I tried them all. One button that quite possibly was there but I had not tested or discovered was the happy ending button. I am sure it was there cause I was very relaxed. So anyway, the Pittsburg Steelers won the game 21 - 10. The game was pretty non spectacular as far as I heard and saw (For the last 6 minutes) I was not really all that hyped for the game as it is two teams that I could really care less about. The old lady has decided that she is a Steelers fan ( bandwagon ), at least she decided before last week. So of course I was cheering for the Seahawks just to get a rise out of her. So as the last 3 seconds rolled off the clock, I turned off the TV and headed for sleepy land. I figured that I hadn't seen most of the game so I might as well not watch the Lombardi trophy being doled out. Oh well, there is always next year, when it will be the Vikings and the AFC victim for the year. Hey, I can dream about the Vikes, just like I will be dreaming about the massage chair. I think we might have to go shopping again for some other furniture ;)

Farting

Well, I happened to look at the www.thesneeze.com today and Steve has a post about farting. I spent some time reading the messages that his readers have posted and found them quite amusing. Myself I am know to fart now and again ;) and have had a few colorful nicknames given to me over the years. Cabbage Boy is probably my all time favorite. It kind of makes me sound like a superhero, my powers are flatulance and good timing. I have plenty of stories to tell on this subject, and will, but as the Sneeze started off on the when is it ok to drop ass in a relationship, I will start with that. I myself usually try to keep up the secret identity and not reveal the super powers until the person I am in a relationship with slips up first. Well, I can remember a few times that one of my ex's floated some pretty raunchy ones while we were sitting on the couch. The old lady now who is perfect never has gas ;) ( Disclaimer: This is for the old lady in case she reads this.) I remember one particular uncomfortable day we were eating at KFC and I told the squeeze that I was going to drop ass on the table of college kids behind us when we left, I knew it would be loud and pretty sure that it would peel paint. I had been holding it the entire time we were driving and eating. Well, unfortunately the table of stoners and oh my God! girls got up and left before she was ready to go. Well, I didn't feel like wasting it on an empty restaurant or spoiling the rest of the chicken on the buffet, so I waited till we were outside. Now I knew that this would be loud, and I am talking jet taking off loud, so I waited until she got in the truck and ripped one that I am sure made my jeans poof out! Well, she started to look concerned that I was not getting in so I tried to wave as well as I could without her seeing it and opened the door. That was a mistake as the drift floated into the cab faster then that little drip of water that splashes back up from the toilet when you are dropping the kids off at the pool. I heard a " Dear Lord" followed by the door opening and her bailing out. I could not help but laughing and saying sorry hun. Now I know to tell her that I need to take care of something after she gets in and she knows to allow me some time to clear the cloud before entering the vehicle. I can also remember a grand episode out with Hoby from www.wasteofcyberspace.com We were out to lunch and stopped into the now defunct Ultimate Electronics, now this place had a home theater showcase setup in the front of the store, there were 6 complete systems playing assorted movies like Star Wars and Saving Private Ryan. Loud boomy type of things. I was passing out of this heading to the car stereo section, also booming bass and alot of speakers and let one go. This was no ordinary fart, and was immediatly dubbed MOAF, this coming from the largest bomb, the M other O f A ll B ombs, was the Mother of all farts. As we neared the enclosed rooms for car audio the guy working the area said that he didn't think I should go in there and close the doors as he had heard the blast from some distance away. I was so proud that I could use my super powers for good and impress an entire electronics store. I think I will make this a weekly segment for the blog and share proud stories of the ass trumpet for the memory banks. I have alot of stories of friends as well. Plus I am sure that most of my readers know what a dutch oven is, well in the future I will introduce you to the "Abe Lincoln"

Mythbusters

One of my favorite shows on the Discovery Channel has got to be Mythbusters. I can always catch it on Wednesday night when the old lady is off bowling. Last night's show was an excellent episode because they were shooting stuff, these are usually my favorite, that is unless they are blowing stuff up! Well, they were testing the catch a bullet in your teeth thing, they shot up a pig skull and some dentures and stuff, not too bad. The did over-inflate a football and blew that up, but that was a result of air pressure and not explosive devices so it wasn't quite as cool. They also dispelled the myth that footballs filled with helium would go farther then a football filled with air. If you have never managed to see this program, check it out on Wednesday nights at 9 PM Eastern 8 PM Central on The Discovery Channel.

Striving for the Championship

Well, we marked off another notch in our championship race. Last night we played the team that was in second place for the second half of our dart season. We ended up beating them by one game, but we did have them up 6 -2 at one point. Oh, well, a win is a win. We will be shooting a makeup game next week, when we are supposed to have the night off. We should be able to destroy the team that we are going to play. Hopefully we can put some more space between us and our competition. I would really love to take the team title for the third year in a row as it is probably my last year shooting with my current team. My team is trying to find a way to convince me to continue playing with them. The fact that I have to drive 75 miles every Tuesday to play darts is still continuing to evade their understanding. The latest offer is for me to be able to cut Dusty's hair anyway I want to at a tournament towards the end of the year. Now Dusty has really long hair, he's been growing it since he was like a sperm. Now as much as I would like to cut him a nice Billy Ray Sirus mullet or a Tibetian Monk pony tail on the top of his head, I am just not able to make the logistics work for next year. When I started the year, I told them that they needed to find a replacement for me so that I would not have to make the trip down, well, the season continued to carry on and I got my weeks in for tournament play but they failed to find someone to shoot. Now they have seemed to forget that, and continue to say, well, you have driven down all year, I don't see why you can't just do that again next year, and reminding me how strong the team is and that we are better then most teams and other teams quake in our presence. If they were only good at guilt trips, I might feel bad, but my cat can give me a guilt trip better. One thing that I will miss if I do not continue to shoot with the team is the colorful characters that hang out at the bar we shoot out of. Last night we had a tweeker basically making love to the jukebox most of the night, a staggering drunk that could barely walk and a homeless person. The homeless person must have been asked to leave because he never got a drink and didn't stay too long. All in all another good night at Smoe's Bar.

Another Month Down

Well, another month has past on the calendar and for the record books, they said that it was the warmest January in recorded history. I sure couldn't tell as the gas bill was higher then ever. They said that it would go up, but holy shit did it ever. 2006 is already 1/12 of the way over, it is hard to believe how time flies. I am glad that winter is moving along so nicely as I am jonesing to get out on the motorcycle and do some riding, it is so nice to be able to leave the cares behind and pound some pavement at a semi accelerated pace ;)