Farting

Well, I happened to look at the www.thesneeze.com today and Steve has a post about farting. I spent some time reading the messages that his readers have posted and found them quite amusing. Myself I am know to fart now and again ;) and have had a few colorful nicknames given to me over the years. Cabbage Boy is probably my all time favorite. It kind of makes me sound like a superhero, my powers are flatulance and good timing. I have plenty of stories to tell on this subject, and will, but as the Sneeze started off on the when is it ok to drop ass in a relationship, I will start with that. I myself usually try to keep up the secret identity and not reveal the super powers until the person I am in a relationship with slips up first. Well, I can remember a few times that one of my ex's floated some pretty raunchy ones while we were sitting on the couch. The old lady now who is perfect never has gas ;) ( Disclaimer: This is for the old lady in case she reads this.) I remember one particular uncomfortable day we were eating at KFC and I told the squeeze that I was going to drop ass on the table of college kids behind us when we left, I knew it would be loud and pretty sure that it would peel paint. I had been holding it the entire time we were driving and eating. Well, unfortunately the table of stoners and oh my God! girls got up and left before she was ready to go. Well, I didn't feel like wasting it on an empty restaurant or spoiling the rest of the chicken on the buffet, so I waited till we were outside. Now I knew that this would be loud, and I am talking jet taking off loud, so I waited until she got in the truck and ripped one that I am sure made my jeans poof out! Well, she started to look concerned that I was not getting in so I tried to wave as well as I could without her seeing it and opened the door. That was a mistake as the drift floated into the cab faster then that little drip of water that splashes back up from the toilet when you are dropping the kids off at the pool. I heard a " Dear Lord" followed by the door opening and her bailing out. I could not help but laughing and saying sorry hun. Now I know to tell her that I need to take care of something after she gets in and she knows to allow me some time to clear the cloud before entering the vehicle. I can also remember a grand episode out with Hoby from www.wasteofcyberspace.com We were out to lunch and stopped into the now defunct Ultimate Electronics, now this place had a home theater showcase setup in the front of the store, there were 6 complete systems playing assorted movies like Star Wars and Saving Private Ryan. Loud boomy type of things. I was passing out of this heading to the car stereo section, also booming bass and alot of speakers and let one go. This was no ordinary fart, and was immediatly dubbed MOAF, this coming from the largest bomb, the M other O f A ll B ombs, was the Mother of all farts. As we neared the enclosed rooms for car audio the guy working the area said that he didn't think I should go in there and close the doors as he had heard the blast from some distance away. I was so proud that I could use my super powers for good and impress an entire electronics store. I think I will make this a weekly segment for the blog and share proud stories of the ass trumpet for the memory banks. I have alot of stories of friends as well. Plus I am sure that most of my readers know what a dutch oven is, well in the future I will introduce you to the "Abe Lincoln"